Well, I thought this may be a therapeutic way of attempting to beat the blues.
I've been suffering from depression for the past 5 years.
What started it all was, of course, a boyfriend leaving me. After a few weeks of feeling suicidal I visited my Doctor and was prescribed fluoxetine.
I've been medication free for just over a year. But what prompted me in starting this today is to maybe reach out, seek advice from well informed peers, as I decided today I needed that medication again.
The fluoxetine seemed to start in me bouts of paranoia. I'm not so bad that I think insects are talking to me, or someone is going to break in to my house and kill me (although that is actually true when I stay at my folks house - they live in a small town with a lot of crime). My paranoia affects me and my friendships mainly. I am constantly thinking my friends are talking about me behind my back. Sometimes I think people on the street are laughing at me when I walk past. I know this isn't true, and I'm aware that my mind is just playing tricks on me. But no matter what, I just can not seem to stop thinking this way.
The problem came to head when I went away with a few friends. One of these ladies did give me the impression that the group was talking and laughing about me behind back, as she did pretty much tell me it in a text! It wasn't anything necessarily bad, but it was hurtful to think that this was *supposedly* going on when they couldn't just tell me to my face.
So we went away for the weekend and I barely spoke to any of them. I couldn't bring myself to talk to the 1 lady in particular, as I felt like she done this on purpose. I did join in occasionally to the conversation, but I also didn't find it very stimulating either and alot of the conversation were the 'you had to be there' type stories when I wasn't there, but all else were.
So now, my very good friend, or so I thought, is not talking to me. We work together and it does make things quite awkward. We were meant to be going away together in a couple of weeks. She tells me that she doesn't want to go away with me, and that she is very worried about me.
Her way of helping me, or showing her worry, is now by not talking to me. Is that a friend?
This is the first time something like that has happened, where I have 'overreacted' to a situation and voiced my opinion. I may have overreacted, but no one asks me how I feel, or what they can do to help. She notices that I need help, and she turns away from me, when her understanding is the one thing I desperately need.
Today I decided I would try medication again. I know I need therapy, but who can afford that?
Are you suffering from depression, paranoia, anxiety? Did you have people who couldn't deal with your issues and turned their back on you?
